Goodbye.

I have made up my mind. I don't want to see any of you again. At least for now. So please leave me alone. I need a break from all these mess. From my last 3 years.

I fully understood what you've told me in your mail. And I agree with you too.

But, please let me be childish and stupid for once. Just this once.

It's been too long that I've been so understanding, trying hard to do what I should be doing and working towards making everything right.

IT IS NOT.

For once, I wanna be stupid. I wanna be childish. I don't wanna think about anything anymore. I've had enough.

Let me be please, PLEASE. At these for now. For this week. For this month. For this year.

How long, I do not know. I just don't want to talk or contact or chat with anyone that I've known in these 3 years.

Anyone I've known ever since I've met you.

I realised, ever since I've met you, my whole life is based on you.

You and only you.

Everywhere I go, there's you.

You and you and you and more you.

Now, I really don't feel like talking to you, or meeting up with you, or hear any news about you. I DON'T EVEN WANT TO BE REMINDED ABOUT YOU.

...and there's no other way to do that except to throw out my past 3 years.

Because everything has been only about you and you and you ONLY since then.
Now I'm letting all that go.

I want to. I need to.

After I said goodbye to you yesterday, there were tears in my eyes.

WARM TEARS. IN MY EYES.

But, I'm not crying. I'm not even sad in the slightest bit.

No I'm not happy either.

It's just that, I'm not sad.

In fact, I feel relieved. Relieved that I won't hear ANYTHING about you again anytime soon.

Or anyone else that matters. Or related.

But later after I read your sms replies, there's this feeling there back again in my heart that's gripping it so tightly, so painful that it aches.

A rope that has tied and chained my heart to you ever since I met you.

...it's bleeding.

My heart's bleeding. Profusely. All I can see is only a pool of red...an endless red. Bloody red.

I need a break. Seriously.

I don't want to see any of you. Anyone from Ragnarok Online. Anyone from Anime Malaysia. Anyone from XL's forum. Anyone from Play.com.my.

ANYONE OR ANYTHING THAT REMINDS ME OF MY PAST 3 YEARS. AND YOU.

So please, let me go. Let me be alone. For now.

I need a break. I need a holiday. I need off.

PLEASE, PLEASE, LET ME ALONE.

I've blocked and deleted all of you from my MSN. Sorry, really sorry.

But I had to.

It's not that I don't treasure our friendship, but please let me be my own childish self and allow me to be by myself at least for now.

I know I'm stupid. But please, just let me be.

So bye bye. Goodbye all. Just treat as though you've never known any Chidori....

Goodbye....