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:: Chidori Haruka 千鳥春華 ::
+August 15th 1985+

Happy Chinese New Year and Valentine's!!!
::My Profile::
Sunday, May 29, 2005

Blog moved to http://alyssa-c.blogspot.com/

Sorry guys and gals....my blog have been moved over to http://alyssa-c.blogspot.com/

Please visit my blog there from now on! Thanks a lot!!! Sorry for the inconvenience. >"<

Wednesday, April 06, 2005


OMG lately the companies sure are aggresive...nonstop de. T_T
Anyway, everything's in Japanese...I couldn't care less to translate everything. Like I've got enough time to do it. So...don't complain. Those who's grumbling can just go fark off and find the info somewhere else. Thanks! ^_^

Ichigo Mashimaro!
苺ましまろ 第2弾 パジャマでお泊まり編!

Gundam Seed Destiny
ガンダムSEED DESTINY プチスタジオStage1

Naruto Babes!!!
NARUTO ナルトプレミアムヒロインズ

SRシリーズ びんちょうタン「ここにいた・・・」編

Gundam Seed Destiny again. T_T
機動戦士ガンダムSEED DESTINY編2


ANA stewardess!!
ANA Stewardess Collection
400 yen each by Kaiyodo.
Will be released in 1st May 2005.
Van only get it at some shope called "Summer Carnival" at Narita Airport!!!
Nooo~~~!!!! I want!!!!! T_____T
Main Page

Gundam Seed Destiny yet again!

Ichigo 100%
SRシリーズ  いちご100%

Binchotan again.
TFC びんちょうタン2

まほろまてぃっく もっと美しいもの


And now for something that I really REALLY want...


Thursday, March 31, 2005

Shifting out. Or in. Whatever. *roll eyes*

Oh duh. Shifting out. Sounds fun. Something that I've kinda longed for so I could be free at last.

Or so I've assumed.

But again, it's kind of unnerving to be shifting out from a place you've stayed for almost all of your life. A new surrounding, a new life. A new beginning shall I say?

Oh well. I'm not THAT far away from home anyway. It's like, just 20 minutes of driving WITHOUT the jam or 40 minutes of train hopping, whichever I prefer.

But still, I can't imagine myself doing all the housework. Not that there's a lot to be done anyway...nothing major....well...except cleaning the toilet....*HORRORS!!!!*

Oh gawd, I didn't even think of that. =_="

Oh damn. Whatever. I haven't even shifted in and I'm already worrying bout WASHING TOILETS. How do you say it in Japanese? Otearai ga abimasu~!? Gah sounds weird. So much for my 'cut and paste' Japanese. T_T

Till then....oh fark. I don't give a damn. GRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.........

Monday, March 28, 2005

Stream of Memories.

Been contemplating to sell some of my figures for $$$ to finance my new 1/7 Takako Kinoshita Swimsuit Ver. by Kotobukiya. Ok not contemplating, but actually really near to selling them.

While packing them into their original boxes, stream of memories began flooding into my mind. I thought these few particular ones didn't hold much memories about myself and my past, but they did. They were the sole witnesses of a different phase of myself in the past, a part of me that I have long forgotten, and I've never realised that.

Figures....why do people collect them?

Some buy them just to make their living room look pretty, some just have too much $$$ they don't know where to dispose of, some collect them because they remind them of scenes from the anime/game which they like.

For me, it's abit different.

Of course, I buy them because I like them, because I'm some sort of a freak for anime. And perhaps in the past, some sort of way to meet up with someone I really like. ^_^

But bottomline is, they bring back memories of myself. They remind me of a part of myself that have changed over the course of time, a different phase of my life that I can never turn back to again no matter how much I want to.

They remind me of people from the past, persons who were dear to me, people who I have came to love, to hate.

People that are now gone from my side.

The figures have became vessels that capture that particular moment of myself and people who I've loved, scenes that I will never forget as long as I live.

Moments that I've wished could've last forever and forever.

But what's gone is gone, all left in me is only memories and pure memories, so near but yet so far, something that's in my grasp but also isn't at the same time.

Something so vague....and fragile.

....missing you.

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Lalala~Lululu~~ ^_^

Okies...I know I've been really irregular in updating my blog nowadays, but what the hell. Cis. Although it's kinda fun putting up my personal life for public entertainment. Well I hope I DID amuse all those reading my blog in the past. But I'm kinda busy now after going into uni and everything, PLUS 2 REALLY nagging parents who makes lots of application much MUCH tougher than it should be.

I really miss those RO days last time nowadays. Sigh. T___T

I'm always wondering, when can all the four of us be free and get together for an outing again someday soon?

But I guess our time has past...and we just can't press the panic button and return back to the memorable past as much as we want to.

Bottomline is...

I DAMN FARKING MISS YOU ALL!!!!! WOOOHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! T______________T





Oh man. I really miss you all. T___T

I love ya all. Muakz.

Hope to see all of ya sometime soon.


Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Sorry. Haiz. T_T

Just got my stpm results. Everything's in a mess right now. T_T

It would really REALLY help if my results were better but.....SIGH.

My head is damn spinning now. PIF.

I see stars and moons... ARGHHHH!!!!! Can you just please stop bugging me bout all the stupid applications and where to go? And everytime everything is all...all just about MONEY!!!! $$$!!!! Nothing more but blabbers about $$$?!?!?!

Fuck. Damn Fuck.

I need to get out of this mess.

And sorry I couldn't update sooner. Sobs. T____T

Monday, March 07, 2005

End of Orientation. Woohoo!!!

Yeah. I'm back. After a week's break. =.=|||

In fact, I'm using my uni's pc to blog now...coz it's easier and its free....^^

Woohoo!!! Orientation's lotsa fun, mostly because I'm lucky to have superb group members and SUPER-FUN Orientation Officers, namely Stephen, Ding & Deva. They're all really cute and lots of laughs. I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!! ^_^

And oh, I'm glad to say that we won the first place after lotsa hardwork. A lot of other teams broke up etc etc, but all our members went through everything together with excellent teamwork. Top-notch. The most notable being our team leader, Dan who even followed us all the way on our strainous treasure hunt although he has asthma.

I would NEVER remember David in those ultra tight super big boobs of Maria Shut-it-up-lah~ from Russia!!!! You're super hot man!!!! *drools* Betcha you've got every guy in the auditorium craving for ya!!!

Before I forget, I'll take back my words about the yongsuiness. Coz at last I've saw quite a few of lengluis!! Woohoo!!!! But too bad most of the lengluis are not my batch....T_______T lengcais also....sobs.....T__T

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Orientation. Yongsuiness. NOOOO!!!!! T_T

Today's my first day at IMU. OMG.

I'm killed!!!! By the yongsuiness there!!!!! OMG!!!! ARGHHH!!!!!!

Someone save me please....T____T

Where has all the lenglui lengcais gone.....boohoo.....I need some prettyness around me...cannot stand the yongsuiness surrounding me liao.....T_________T


The lenglui I met during my interview.


Why I can't find you today one....T___T Hope I'll see you tomorrow. Otherwise I'll die!!! Killed by yongsuiness!!!! SOBS!!!!

...hope tomorrow will be a more BEAUTIFUL day.....literally......T.T

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Blood. I can taste it again.

When do you say you've moved on?

I thought I've moved on. Or so I forced myself to believe.

Sometimes it's easier to just give up altogether than to continue fighting in something you believe you will never succeed in.

I chose that path.

Almost 3 years have passed.

No matter what I do, no matter what I say, no matter how hard I try...the status quo just wouldn't change.

Sometimes I can just feel myself falling into an abyss of madness and insanity accumulated from the numerous rejections from your actions, intentionally or otherwise.

It may be easy for you to move on, but it is not to me.

It may be easy for you to just talk about it over a cup of tea, but it is not to me.

Everytime, EVERYTIME when I've gotten myself not to care about it anymore, the feelings resurfaced.

You have to try and taunt me every time. And it makes me sway. Makes my feelings sway for you again.

Unless you have an answer for me, please PLEASE don't remind me of my past again.

I don't want to think about it anymore, let alone be reminded without a worthy reason.

And the only worthy reason for me to re-ponder about it again is your truthful answer, if it ever comes to you.

Let me ask you a question: When you've totally gotten over someone, would your tears still cry for him?

...I guess not.

So I guess I've not successfully gotten TOTALLY over him either.

Someone said: "I'm sure if he tells you now that he loves you, you will 100% go to him."

I kept quiet. Because I knew the answer.

Because what he said was true. I didn't want to admit that, not even to myself.

It's hard to believe I've moved on when even the slightest thing will trigger back my tears for him.

...while nothing else in the world would make me cry.

You said you didn't have an answer. You don't want to lead me to a tunnel which is endless. So you just moved on.

...have you ever thought of the tears which would flow for you when you do just that?

Well, I guess you think hurting me now is better than hurting me later.

Seriously, for you to accept me by your side would make me the happiest girl on earth.

But I guess that will never happen either.

Unless that day really comes someday, I'll just forget about everything.... Everything there is about you...

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Abyss of Graffiti. My mind.

Man. I feel like crap.


Darn it. T_T

Just that everything's going the wrong direction lately....

OK not to say EVERYTHING, but most of them.

...but wait...? When did they EVER went in the RIGHT direction anyway...?


So everything's going EXCEPTIONALLY wrong lately.


Here's a vague picture of the state of my mind now:

A piece of my mind.

Now THAT'S a piece of my mind. HMPH.

Btw, there's whole lots of words in there. Anyone who's too free can go figure... :P

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Angpows. Surprise surprise. O.o

Oh well. Since it's CNY, let's talk about angpows. With the current economy setback and all...like each and every other year, the angpow collection keeps diminishing. Sigh. T_T

But this year, I do get some 'weird' angpows....ok not to say weird, but angpows that are not out of the norm. Angpows that came as real surprises. O.o

Case number 1: My first angpow of this year

...from r****!!!!! (name censored for anonymity) Seriously, I wasn't expecting it at all. Was just joking at some forums to a married friend, suggesting to him to leave our angpows at a certain TOY shop (go figure :P) so we could go there and collect them. And darn he did JUST THAT!!!! OMG!!! O.o I'm truly surprised. And he did leave quite a few angpows for quite a few forumers too....with a more than substantial amount of $$$ inside PLUS 2 considerably pricey tickets for some rides. OH WOW!!!! O.o O.o O.o And damn I've never even met him before in my 19 years of existence!

Truly a graceful and generous gesture out of the goodwill spirit of CNY. Thanks a lot!!!! ^.^

And oh...please do not be offended by this article if you're reading this.....*sweatdrops*

Case number 2: OMG!!!!!!! (can't think of a better title -__-")

RM200 from a friend!!!!! O.o Who is NOT married!!! O.o O.o O.o Can you BELIEVE THAT?!?! O.o O.o O.o Omigawd omigawd omigawd!!!! *imagine my dropped jaw*

Ahem....I know he'll be reading my blog....ahem ahem....don't angry yah.....XD XD XD

And oh, he prefers the angpow to be known as a....gift. =.= So from now on...the $$$ will be addressed simply as 'THE GIFT' and not angpow....=.=|||

So, back about...'THE GIFT'. Didn't really wanna take it because he's not married and all and bla bla bla.... So he just stretched out his hands towards me with the $$$...OOPS....with 'THE GIFT' I mean (:P) amidst the passing crowd while STILL walking down the...erm....street, (Street?!? erm....perhaps lane is a better word? O.o You know those lanes in front the row of shops in shopping complexes....O.o) threatening to add in another note every 30 minutes if I still don't accept it. And darn I know he'll do just that if I don't comply.


Not that I'm complaining.....BUT.....


...talk about force selling. I'm sure he'll do just great in direct selling. :P (pun intended...no hard feelings ya? XD XD XD)

Oh well, it IS a nice gift.... the perfect gift I would say. (DUH what else could be better than raw $$$?!??!?!) So I'll be thankful for it. :P Just that I feel weird accepting $$$ from someone who is NOT your parents, relatives or boss NOT in the form of angpow.

Anyway, thanks again. ^_^ Really appreciate it. I just don't know how long it'll last anyway......Bleh. Don't blame me yarh? XD XD XD

I guess that's all there is for this year's angpows.

Oh yeah...did I mention about the angpow with only a meagre RM1 in it? From my Form 6 form teacher for two years...=.=||| Well I know she kinda hates us....but.....? I mean, it really gives a bad impression when you give out RM1 angpows to your students who's been doing all your donkey work and bearing all your weird tempers for the last 2 years. If it was me, I'd rather NOT give ANY angpows than to give out RM1 ones. And there was only like 5 of us who went. (give face mar) That also she kinda have to FORCE us (or rather, a classmate of mine entrusted by her for the task did it) to visit her house. -_-"

Now that's something I really REALLY hate. Other people have no right whatsoever to make any kind of decisions on my behalf, DAMMIT. Especially someone who's NOT EVEN CLOSE TO ME. I was just THIS CLOSE (imagine the distance between 2 fingers pressed closely together with all your might) of giving the classmate of mine a bash of vulgar scolding.


Happy Chinese New Year!!!


Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Valentine's. Alone. Sigh.

Ok...so Valentine's just passed....-_-; My last valentine's before I hit 20....celebrated in silence alone.

Pretty sucks. Like, I was up awake until 6am in the morning....@_@ So woke up around 2pm. Laze around here and there and it's already time to rush down to ss15 for my Jap class. Oh bore~ -_-;

Oh not to mention my superb valentine's dinner!!!! Alone...with my mom. T_T We wanted to go for some Salmon Steak at ss15....TAK BUKA!!!! T______T Closed until tomorrow nia......ARGH!!!! >"<

Forced to eat at the food court....IT SUCKS!!!! Got bored with the usual nice stalls so tried new ones....OMG!!! I wonder how they can even survive with the kind of food they cook!!! All MSG and nothing else. My tounge and lips were so numb after eating as though someone injected some tranquilliser strong enough for a bull into them....-_- It's a wonder no one has been admitted into the hospital yet after eating them. Yes, it's THAT bad. Those stalls I tried today, that's it.

Ok, now for some more cheery stuff....









Happy Chinese New Year!!!

Happy Chinese New Year and Valentine's everyone!!!! ^_^

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Back!!! And OMG!!!!!! O.o

At last I'm baaaccckk!!!! Wahahahaha!!!! OOOh I just love my own bed!!!! XD XD XD

..and OMG!!!! Look at these hotties....

Otaku...from the "Weekly My Brother" series...SUPER SIZE!!!!

Darn she reminds me of godzilla. ^_^

I wonder what will happen if Godzilla's really cute and chubby like her? Will all the guys (or gals) try to date it instead of trying to shoot it down? @_@

Well, I sure hope my Otaku was THAT BIG!!!!!!

Tuesday, February 08, 2005


This is not the first time I realised how lonely I am.

Especially today, I don't know why I feel exceptionally alone.

I feel empty inside.

It's as though...there's a hole in my heart. Missing.

Seriously, I don't have much friends. I mean, really close friends. Maybe because I've rarely took them seriously. And also, I have this attachment problem to those I'm familiar with.

I rarely mix with friends. As in yamcha or outings etc. Mostly because my parents were quite controlling since I was small...

And bf. I've only had one bf all my life. Someone who I've never really loved. I really regret what I've done to him...because I know he really loved me with all his heart.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. But it's just that...I never had and still couldn't have any feelings for you even after those 2 years.

Oh well, I guess I've got back my own taste of medicine because the only person I've 100% fell in love with don't have any feelings back for me.

Well, that's the past.

I feel so tired now.

Tired of everything.

I feel like letting everything go.

I've made a point to change myself...not to keep my feelings and everything to myself anymore and be more open. Thanks for my sincere friend who made me realise about this. Thank you.

So...I don't care anymore if I've just met someone for a few times or whatsoever. As long as I've got some feel towards him or whatsoever...I'll just try it out. And not runaway.

Heck, I'll even follow my instincts and hug or kiss someone if I feel like it.

No not that I'm being slutty or will do that to anyone, it's just that I've made a point to follow my heart. I've always been scared that the person will reject me or refuse to see me again.

I will not hide the feeling and agonise myself later. Which I have did in the past.

So....that's that.

Hope I'll meet someone soon that I have some feelings for and he feels the same way too.


Monday, February 07, 2005

I am wasted.

Suddenly feel like posting....so here goes.

I feel so useless.

All my life I've never truly worked hard for anything. All my life I've been slacking my life away, wasting myself to the dumps.

It's not like I'm not doing well, it's just that....I don't know how to describe it.

I don't like to be a failure. I don't like to lose out to other people.

But I don't like to be too successful too. Someone not in the limelight. Someone that is not used by other people to be compared to. It makes you feel that you are showing off.

But still, I do not want to lose out.

Erm....let's make it simple for you to understand.

All my life, I needed not to work hard.

Because I don't have to. Because everything is provided for. Because all the opportunities are there waiting for me.

Because I can do better than other people even though I don't work for it.

That's that.

Sometimes, when you've got the talent and the brains and the looks, you just let it go to waste.

Because you don't have to work hard to win other people.

Other people have to spend hours and hours on it to do something right, but you just need to work on it like only for awhile to get it done.

So, you need not work hard.

Because you don't have the need to.

And you never will work hard and expand your full capabilities.

That's exactly what I'm facing all my life.

I feel so bad. I've realised this a few years back, and I am still doing it.

I've got the brains.

I've got the capabilities.

I've got the opportunities.

I've got the looks.

But I waste everything.


Not that I'm being vain or something, but that is the truth about myself.

I'm always busy doing something else that's useless, wasting all my talents away. And not reaping the opportunities as I should.

Ok, let's start off with brains.

I've never studied hard. Or even listen to my teachers' lecture.

I only study a few days ahead of my exams.....and end up tops.

I could have easily gotten straight As' for all my exam including my STPM....but I did not do it. I slack. I laze around. And end up.....doing badly in them. Including STPM which will determine my future. I was busy hacking away with stupid RO day and night...then fretting and crying over someone that I shouldn't even be with.

Capabilities and opportunities?

Plentiful. But I do not follow them.

Ok for example...I'm talented in music. Piano...maybe not. But electone and drums....it's definitely there. And what do I do through all my years of lessons? Practice only an hour EVERY WEEK before the class. Of course, I still do get my distinctions and teacher's grade pass the first time round (most people don't even pass after many times trying). I've even played with UPM's orchestra once at Istana Budaya. Then? What do I do? Throw everything away.

Looks. Yeah another one.

Cannot deny...I've got the looks and height. The features are there. No doubt.

But what do I do?

Waste them with obesity. I was obese for almost all of my life. And still am on the heavy side now.

Waste them with not sleeping every day. Heck, I really don't sleep like till 2 or 3 am every day. Pimples and whatsoever....plagues me all year round.

Waste them with acts like rubbing my nose constantly, enlarging them. Not forgetting to mention also on my eyes. It's puffy and dark circles are around them like mad.

And many others. Too many to list.

I am just so wasted. WASTED.

This year, I hope to change. New life. New lease.

Although it may be a little late for it now, but I guess it's still not too late to do something.

And hope I can sustain myself long enough before slacking away again.

Perhaps I need to get into a more competitive environment.

Let's just see....how it goes from here....

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