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:: Chidori Haruka 千鳥春華 ::
+August 15th 1985+

Happy Chinese New Year and Valentine's!!!
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Sunday, February 20, 2005

Blood. I can taste it again.

When do you say you've moved on?

I thought I've moved on. Or so I forced myself to believe.

Sometimes it's easier to just give up altogether than to continue fighting in something you believe you will never succeed in.

I chose that path.

Almost 3 years have passed.

No matter what I do, no matter what I say, no matter how hard I try...the status quo just wouldn't change.

Sometimes I can just feel myself falling into an abyss of madness and insanity accumulated from the numerous rejections from your actions, intentionally or otherwise.

It may be easy for you to move on, but it is not to me.

It may be easy for you to just talk about it over a cup of tea, but it is not to me.

Everytime, EVERYTIME when I've gotten myself not to care about it anymore, the feelings resurfaced.

You have to try and taunt me every time. And it makes me sway. Makes my feelings sway for you again.

Unless you have an answer for me, please PLEASE don't remind me of my past again.

I don't want to think about it anymore, let alone be reminded without a worthy reason.

And the only worthy reason for me to re-ponder about it again is your truthful answer, if it ever comes to you.

Let me ask you a question: When you've totally gotten over someone, would your tears still cry for him?

...I guess not.

So I guess I've not successfully gotten TOTALLY over him either.

Someone said: "I'm sure if he tells you now that he loves you, you will 100% go to him."

I kept quiet. Because I knew the answer.

Because what he said was true. I didn't want to admit that, not even to myself.

It's hard to believe I've moved on when even the slightest thing will trigger back my tears for him.

...while nothing else in the world would make me cry.

You said you didn't have an answer. You don't want to lead me to a tunnel which is endless. So you just moved on.

...have you ever thought of the tears which would flow for you when you do just that?

Well, I guess you think hurting me now is better than hurting me later.

Seriously, for you to accept me by your side would make me the happiest girl on earth.

But I guess that will never happen either.

Unless that day really comes someday, I'll just forget about everything.... Everything there is about you...


  • it's really sad, isn't it, trying to forget. but it'll always be a memory for you to carry on.

    let the memories pave the pathway of your life. take care

    By Blogger Terry, at 7:14 PM  

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