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:: Chidori Haruka 千鳥春華 ::
+August 15th 1985+



Happy Chinese New Year and Valentine's!!!
::My Profile::
Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Lonely.

This is not the first time I realised how lonely I am.

Especially today, I don't know why I feel exceptionally alone.

I feel empty inside.

It's as though...there's a hole in my heart. Missing.

Seriously, I don't have much friends. I mean, really close friends. Maybe because I've rarely took them seriously. And also, I have this attachment problem to those I'm familiar with.

I rarely mix with friends. As in yamcha or outings etc. Mostly because my parents were quite controlling since I was small...

And bf. I've only had one bf all my life. Someone who I've never really loved. I really regret what I've done to him...because I know he really loved me with all his heart.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. But it's just that...I never had and still couldn't have any feelings for you even after those 2 years.

Oh well, I guess I've got back my own taste of medicine because the only person I've 100% fell in love with don't have any feelings back for me.

Well, that's the past.

I feel so tired now.

Tired of everything.

I feel like letting everything go.

I've made a point to change myself...not to keep my feelings and everything to myself anymore and be more open. Thanks for my sincere friend who made me realise about this. Thank you.

So...I don't care anymore if I've just met someone for a few times or whatsoever. As long as I've got some feel towards him or whatsoever...I'll just try it out. And not runaway.

Heck, I'll even follow my instincts and hug or kiss someone if I feel like it.

No not that I'm being slutty or will do that to anyone, it's just that I've made a point to follow my heart. I've always been scared that the person will reject me or refuse to see me again.

I will not hide the feeling and agonise myself later. Which I have did in the past.

So....that's that.

Hope I'll meet someone soon that I have some feelings for and he feels the same way too.

Ciaoz.

3 Comments:

  • awww. chichi. i guess i can say that i do uinderstand the loneliness. Truthfully.

    I don't have much strong opinions on this but just hope that you would be much stronger and believe in yourself more.

    Everybody wants to be loved. ^^ And everybody will surely find a one that has a mutual love to each other. Just be who you are and be confident.

    Nuuu. You're not what you say.. .umm .. 'slutty'. We did go through the word. Ish not good. xD And you're definitely not anywhere close to it.

    A good pat in the back will do you good. xD *pat*

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:31 PM  


  • Ish, posted in the wrong post~ :(

    Anyway, here it is again:

    Who doesn't want to love and be love in return?

    Chin up! ^__^ Guys don't like girls who are always depressed, you know?

    By Blogger Kawa, at 1:54 PM  


  • Hey ! You are young and beautiful so what's wrong with you, my gf just broke up with me and I'm sad too.

    See ! Life sucks sometimes, but once you reach the bottom of it, it can only go up, so hold on to it and live it, cuz we have only one and unique life.

    Take care

    Fabrice

    By Blogger Fabrice R,, at 2:29 PM  


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