This is not the first time I realised how lonely I am.
Especially today, I don't know why I feel exceptionally alone.
I feel empty inside.
It's as though...there's a hole in my heart. Missing.
Seriously, I don't have much friends. I mean, really close friends. Maybe because I've rarely took them seriously. And also, I have this attachment problem to those I'm familiar with.
I rarely mix with friends. As in yamcha or outings etc. Mostly because my parents were quite controlling since I was small...
And bf. I've only had one bf all my life. Someone who I've never really loved. I really regret what I've done to him...because I know he really loved me with all his heart.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. But it's just that...I never had and still couldn't have any feelings for you even after those 2 years.
Oh well, I guess I've got back my own taste of medicine because the only person I've 100% fell in love with don't have any feelings back for me.
Well, that's the past.
I feel so tired now.
Tired of everything.
I feel like letting everything go.
I've made a point to change myself...not to keep my feelings and everything to myself anymore and be more open. Thanks for my sincere friend who made me realise about this. Thank you.
So...I don't care anymore if I've just met someone for a few times or whatsoever. As long as I've got some feel towards him or whatsoever...I'll just try it out. And not runaway.
Heck, I'll even follow my instincts and hug or kiss someone if I feel like it.
No not that I'm being slutty or will do that to anyone, it's just that I've made a point to follow my heart. I've always been scared that the person will reject me or refuse to see me again.
I will not hide the feeling and agonise myself later. Which I have did in the past.
Hope I'll meet someone soon that I have some feelings for and he feels the same way too.