Orientation. Yongsuiness. NOOOO!!!!! T_T

Today's my first day at IMU. OMG.

I'm killed!!!! By the yongsuiness there!!!!! OMG!!!! ARGHHH!!!!!!

Someone save me please....T____T

Where has all the lenglui lengcais gone.....boohoo.....I need some prettyness around me...cannot stand the yongsuiness surrounding me liao.....T_________T

CLARISSA?!?!! WHERE ARE YOU!?!?!?!?

The lenglui I met during my interview.

CLARISSA!!! MY LAST HOPE!!!! SOBS!!!!! T____T

Why I can't find you today one....T___T Hope I'll see you tomorrow. Otherwise I'll die!!! Killed by yongsuiness!!!! SOBS!!!!

...hope tomorrow will be a more BEAUTIFUL day.....literally......T.T

Blood. I can taste it again.

When do you say you've moved on?

I thought I've moved on. Or so I forced myself to believe.

Sometimes it's easier to just give up altogether than to continue fighting in something you believe you will never succeed in.

I chose that path.

Almost 3 years have passed.

No matter what I do, no matter what I say, no matter how hard I try...the status quo just wouldn't change.

Sometimes I can just feel myself falling into an abyss of madness and insanity accumulated from the numerous rejections from your actions, intentionally or otherwise.

It may be easy for you to move on, but it is not to me.

It may be easy for you to just talk about it over a cup of tea, but it is not to me.

Everytime, EVERYTIME when I've gotten myself not to care about it anymore, the feelings resurfaced.

You have to try and taunt me every time. And it makes me sway. Makes my feelings sway for you again.

Unless you have an answer for me, please PLEASE don't remind me of my past again.

I don't want to think about it anymore, let alone be reminded without a worthy reason.

And the only worthy reason for me to re-ponder about it again is your truthful answer, if it ever comes to you.

Let me ask you a question: When you've totally gotten over someone, would your tears still cry for him?

...I guess not.

So I guess I've not successfully gotten TOTALLY over him either.

Someone said: "I'm sure if he tells you now that he loves you, you will 100% go to him."

I kept quiet. Because I knew the answer.

Because what he said was true. I didn't want to admit that, not even to myself.

It's hard to believe I've moved on when even the slightest thing will trigger back my tears for him.

...while nothing else in the world would make me cry.

You said you didn't have an answer. You don't want to lead me to a tunnel which is endless. So you just moved on.

...have you ever thought of the tears which would flow for you when you do just that?

Well, I guess you think hurting me now is better than hurting me later.

Seriously, for you to accept me by your side would make me the happiest girl on earth.

But I guess that will never happen either.

Unless that day really comes someday, I'll just forget about everything.... Everything there is about you...

Abyss of Graffiti. My mind.

Man. I feel like crap.

REALLY CRAPPY.

Darn it. T_T

Just that everything's going the wrong direction lately....

OK not to say EVERYTHING, but most of them.

...but wait...? When did they EVER went in the RIGHT direction anyway...?

SIGHS.

So everything's going EXCEPTIONALLY wrong lately.

F***.

Here's a vague picture of the state of my mind now:

Now THAT'S a piece of my mind. HMPH.

Btw, there's whole lots of words in there. Anyone who's too free can go figure... :P

Angpows. Surprise surprise. O.o

Oh well. Since it's CNY, let's talk about angpows. With the current economy setback and all...like each and every other year, the angpow collection keeps diminishing. Sigh. T_T

But this year, I do get some 'weird' angpows....ok not to say weird, but angpows that are not out of the norm. Angpows that came as real surprises. O.o


Case number 1: My first angpow of this year

...from r****!!!!! (name censored for anonymity) Seriously, I wasn't expecting it at all. Was just joking at some forums to a married friend, suggesting to him to leave our angpows at a certain TOY shop (go figure :P) so we could go there and collect them. And darn he did JUST THAT!!!! OMG!!! O.o I'm truly surprised. And he did leave quite a few angpows for quite a few forumers too....with a more than substantial amount of $$$ inside PLUS 2 considerably pricey tickets for some rides. OH WOW!!!! O.o O.o O.o And damn I've never even met him before in my 19 years of existence!

Truly a graceful and generous gesture out of the goodwill spirit of CNY. Thanks a lot!!!! ^.^

And oh...please do not be offended by this article if you're reading this.....*sweatdrops*


Case number 2: OMG!!!!!!! (can't think of a better title -__-")

RM200 from a friend!!!!! O.o Who is NOT married!!! O.o O.o O.o Can you BELIEVE THAT?!?! O.o O.o O.o Omigawd omigawd omigawd!!!! *imagine my dropped jaw*

Ahem....I know he'll be reading my blog....ahem ahem....don't angry yah.....XD XD XD

And oh, he prefers the angpow to be known as a....gift. =.= So from now on...the $$$ will be addressed simply as 'THE GIFT' and not angpow....=.=|||

So, back about...'THE GIFT'. Didn't really wanna take it because he's not married and all and bla bla bla.... So he just stretched out his hands towards me with the $$$...OOPS....with 'THE GIFT' I mean (:P) amidst the passing crowd while STILL walking down the...erm....street, (Street?!? erm....perhaps lane is a better word? O.o You know those lanes in front the row of shops in shopping complexes....O.o) threatening to add in another note every 30 minutes if I still don't accept it. And darn I know he'll do just that if I don't comply.

=.=|||

Not that I'm complaining.....BUT.....

=.=|||!!!!!!!!!!!!

...talk about force selling. I'm sure he'll do just great in direct selling. :P (pun intended...no hard feelings ya? XD XD XD)

Oh well, it IS a nice gift.... the perfect gift I would say. (DUH what else could be better than raw $$$?!??!?!) So I'll be thankful for it. :P Just that I feel weird accepting $$$ from someone who is NOT your parents, relatives or boss NOT in the form of angpow.

Anyway, thanks again. ^_^ Really appreciate it. I just don't know how long it'll last anyway......Bleh. Don't blame me yarh? XD XD XD


I guess that's all there is for this year's angpows.

Oh yeah...did I mention about the angpow with only a meagre RM1 in it? From my Form 6 form teacher for two years...=.=||| Well I know she kinda hates us....but.....? I mean, it really gives a bad impression when you give out RM1 angpows to your students who's been doing all your donkey work and bearing all your weird tempers for the last 2 years. If it was me, I'd rather NOT give ANY angpows than to give out RM1 ones. And there was only like 5 of us who went. (give face mar) That also she kinda have to FORCE us (or rather, a classmate of mine entrusted by her for the task did it) to visit her house. -_-"

Now that's something I really REALLY hate. Other people have no right whatsoever to make any kind of decisions on my behalf, DAMMIT. Especially someone who's NOT EVEN CLOSE TO ME. I was just THIS CLOSE (imagine the distance between 2 fingers pressed closely together with all your might) of giving the classmate of mine a bash of vulgar scolding.

Haih.

Happy Chinese New Year!!!

-__-"

Valentine's. Alone. Sigh.

Ok...so Valentine's just passed....-_-; My last valentine's before I hit 20....celebrated in silence alone.

Pretty sucks. Like, I was up awake until 6am in the morning....@_@ So woke up around 2pm. Laze around here and there and it's already time to rush down to ss15 for my Jap class. Oh bore~ -_-;

Oh not to mention my superb valentine's dinner!!!! Alone...with my mom. T_T We wanted to go for some Salmon Steak at ss15....TAK BUKA!!!! T______T Closed until tomorrow nia......ARGH!!!! >"<

Forced to eat at the food court....IT SUCKS!!!! Got bored with the usual nice stalls so tried new ones....OMG!!! I wonder how they can even survive with the kind of food they cook!!! All MSG and nothing else. My tounge and lips were so numb after eating as though someone injected some tranquilliser strong enough for a bull into them....-_- It's a wonder no one has been admitted into the hospital yet after eating them. Yes, it's THAT bad. Those stalls I tried today, that's it.

Ok, now for some more cheery stuff....

.

.

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....MY PIC!!!!! TADDAAHHH!!!!! XD XD XD


Happy Chinese New Year and Valentine's everyone!!!! ^_^

Back!!! And OMG!!!!!! O.o

At last I'm baaaccckk!!!! Wahahahaha!!!! OOOh I just love my own bed!!!! XD XD XD

..and OMG!!!! Look at these hotties....



Otaku...from the "Weekly My Brother" series...SUPER SIZE!!!!

Darn she reminds me of godzilla. ^_^

I wonder what will happen if Godzilla's really cute and chubby like her? Will all the guys (or gals) try to date it instead of trying to shoot it down? @_@

Well, I sure hope my Otaku was THAT BIG!!!!!!

Lonely.

This is not the first time I realised how lonely I am.

Especially today, I don't know why I feel exceptionally alone.

I feel empty inside.

It's as though...there's a hole in my heart. Missing.

Seriously, I don't have much friends. I mean, really close friends. Maybe because I've rarely took them seriously. And also, I have this attachment problem to those I'm familiar with.

I rarely mix with friends. As in yamcha or outings etc. Mostly because my parents were quite controlling since I was small...

And bf. I've only had one bf all my life. Someone who I've never really loved. I really regret what I've done to him...because I know he really loved me with all his heart.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. But it's just that...I never had and still couldn't have any feelings for you even after those 2 years.

Oh well, I guess I've got back my own taste of medicine because the only person I've 100% fell in love with don't have any feelings back for me.

Well, that's the past.

I feel so tired now.

Tired of everything.

I feel like letting everything go.

I've made a point to change myself...not to keep my feelings and everything to myself anymore and be more open. Thanks for my sincere friend who made me realise about this. Thank you.

So...I don't care anymore if I've just met someone for a few times or whatsoever. As long as I've got some feel towards him or whatsoever...I'll just try it out. And not runaway.

Heck, I'll even follow my instincts and hug or kiss someone if I feel like it.

No not that I'm being slutty or will do that to anyone, it's just that I've made a point to follow my heart. I've always been scared that the person will reject me or refuse to see me again.

I will not hide the feeling and agonise myself later. Which I have did in the past.

So....that's that.

Hope I'll meet someone soon that I have some feelings for and he feels the same way too.

Ciaoz.

I am wasted.

Suddenly feel like posting....so here goes.

I feel so useless.

All my life I've never truly worked hard for anything. All my life I've been slacking my life away, wasting myself to the dumps.

It's not like I'm not doing well, it's just that....I don't know how to describe it.

I don't like to be a failure. I don't like to lose out to other people.

But I don't like to be too successful too. Someone not in the limelight. Someone that is not used by other people to be compared to. It makes you feel that you are showing off.

But still, I do not want to lose out.

Erm....let's make it simple for you to understand.

All my life, I needed not to work hard.

Because I don't have to. Because everything is provided for. Because all the opportunities are there waiting for me.

Because I can do better than other people even though I don't work for it.

That's that.

Sometimes, when you've got the talent and the brains and the looks, you just let it go to waste.

Because you don't have to work hard to win other people.

Other people have to spend hours and hours on it to do something right, but you just need to work on it like only for awhile to get it done.

So, you need not work hard.

Because you don't have the need to.

And you never will work hard and expand your full capabilities.

That's exactly what I'm facing all my life.

I feel so bad. I've realised this a few years back, and I am still doing it.

I've got the brains.

I've got the capabilities.

I've got the opportunities.

I've got the looks.

But I waste everything.

EVERYTHING.

Not that I'm being vain or something, but that is the truth about myself.

I'm always busy doing something else that's useless, wasting all my talents away. And not reaping the opportunities as I should.

Ok, let's start off with brains.

I've never studied hard. Or even listen to my teachers' lecture.

I only study a few days ahead of my exams.....and end up tops.

I could have easily gotten straight As' for all my exam including my STPM....but I did not do it. I slack. I laze around. And end up.....doing badly in them. Including STPM which will determine my future. I was busy hacking away with stupid RO day and night...then fretting and crying over someone that I shouldn't even be with.

Capabilities and opportunities?

Plentiful. But I do not follow them.

Ok for example...I'm talented in music. Piano...maybe not. But electone and drums....it's definitely there. And what do I do through all my years of lessons? Practice only an hour EVERY WEEK before the class. Of course, I still do get my distinctions and teacher's grade pass the first time round (most people don't even pass after many times trying). I've even played with UPM's orchestra once at Istana Budaya. Then? What do I do? Throw everything away.

Looks. Yeah another one.

Cannot deny...I've got the looks and height. The features are there. No doubt.

But what do I do?

Waste them with obesity. I was obese for almost all of my life. And still am on the heavy side now.

Waste them with not sleeping every day. Heck, I really don't sleep like till 2 or 3 am every day. Pimples and whatsoever....plagues me all year round.

Waste them with acts like rubbing my nose constantly, enlarging them. Not forgetting to mention also on my eyes. It's puffy and dark circles are around them like mad.

And many others. Too many to list.

I am just so wasted. WASTED.

This year, I hope to change. New life. New lease.

Although it may be a little late for it now, but I guess it's still not too late to do something.

And hope I can sustain myself long enough before slacking away again.

Perhaps I need to get into a more competitive environment.

Let's just see....how it goes from here....

Sorry the owner of this blog is not available...please leave your message after the beep....

Oh gawd!!!!

I'm going back to my hometown early in the morning tomorrow in Sg Siput and I haven't even started packing my bags!!! @@

Oh well. Like I would even care. *rolleyes*

Guess it's the time of the year again to sit idle in the house doing nothing other than staring blankly at the stupid TV screen showing Steven Chow's downright stupid slapstick comedies.

WOW, HOW EXCITING!!!!

-_-"

No internet connection there, let alone a workable pc.... So I'll be away till like, Saturday or Sunday.

I WANT TO VISIT SOME FRIENDS' HOUSES FOR A CHANGE THIS YEAR!!!! >_<

Ahem, anyway, I think I'll just bring along my digicam this year and wreak some havoc. ^^

Or maybe steal the new car and go jalan-jalan somewhere in Ipoh. (like there's anything fun there also...well it's definitely BETTER than Sg Siput. -_-)

Till then, cyaz guys and gals!!!! Don't forget to ajak me to any of your house visiting sprees ya!!! ^__^

And oh, Happy Chinese New Year everyone!!! Muakzzz~!!!!

*waves*

Haih~ ver. 2

Haih~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few more days to CNY. And I've prepared nothing. Again, it is time to rot and grow mushrooms at Sg Siput!!! T____T

Well, at least I do get some angpaus. Otherwise...I'll be bored to death.

Guess it's the time of the year to watch stupid fan ban VCD that have been watched over and over again.

Then, after that, it's valentines.

Great. JUST GREAT.

OOohhhHH I just love valentine's SOOO MUCH!!!!!

OH I JUST LOVE YOU MR VALENTINE!!!!

I JUST LOVE THE WAY YOU'LL SHOW ME ALL THE LOVEY DOVEY LOVERS ON THE STREETS LOST IN THEIR OWN WORLD DANCING BOLLYWOOD SONGS!!!

T___T

Sigh. Fuck it. I'm alone all again this valentine. I'm just bitter. That's all. T___T

WOE ON ME!!!!! Lemme just stay in bed and dream of a lengchai dating me with nice nice movie and candlelight dinner and gifts.

Sigh.

SIGH!!!!

Sigh.

Another bad hair day. T__T

Today the business was damn bad...nobody wanna buy any contact lenses. Sick already plus sorethroat...still have to work. T_T What's worst is no matter how much I try to talk and persuade people today none of them seems to work. T___T Today, I'm the invisible girl. Everyone just walked past me without batting an eyelid. PIFFF!!!!!!

And I've got some weird rashes on the left side of my face. UGLY!!!! >_<

ARGGHHHH!!!!!!! I HATE TODAY!!!!!! T_____________T

Targets.

Slim down.

Slim down.

SLIM DOWN!!!!!!!!

ARGHHH....I ran off target again...stupid me. And also haven't cleared up my complexion. -_-"

Now I really need this. ARGH. To slim down pronto.

I think I'll wake up early and go for a round of morning run tomorrow. -_-" I'm just back from running round my neighbourhood just now. Starting from 12.40+ to 1.20+ am....-_-"

What to do....wanted to start running earlier but I have other things to do...then tired....fell asleep. >_>


...btw, have anyone heard of a modelling agency called ATD Models in Jalan Sultan Ismail? @@

Night Sky. White Cars. WTF?!?!

Oh yeah just to add, on my whole way to ss15 for my japanese lesson on Monday, there were darn lots of not working traffic lights...the worst one being the junction right after the LDP turnoff at the Summit.

I actually purposely scrolled down my car's window just to get a perfect shot of the congested junction beneath the darkening sky whilst my car was stucked right in the middle of the junction.

And I did had a perfect shot...until this stupid white car HAD TO jump right in front of my camera and block everything!!!! ARGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!! DAMN YOU!!!!! PIFFFFF!!!!!!!!!


My perfect shot gone........

T_____________________T

P.S: I sure hope the owner of the car is not a reader of my blog....@@

Balls, Sticks and Holes.

Just uploaded the pics from Monday's outing!!! ^_^

Actually I was kinda tired due to 2 hard days' work on Saturday and Sunday, but WTF....how can I say no to an outing with my ex-school mates who flew all the way back from all over the world??!!! (although I thought it was some other friends who were going out...but SsssssshhhhhhhHH!!!! :P)

So here goes!!!! 56ks users beware...High image content!!! Shoo shoo!!!

Guess where's this. XD XD XD


...it's Mines DUH. If you've guess KLCC or Midvalley or 1 Utama then I guess you're really REALLY THAT stupid. -_-|||

All of them were in the mood for some pool, so....


Everyone was so anxious to start the game and...



....WAIT A SEC WTF IS POOL?!?!?

Can eat? @@

I mean...I know it has something to do about poking some balls with some sticks into some holes... (DARN WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!?! It's not THAT balls and THAT sticks and THAT holes mind you =.=)

....but...WTF?!?!?!

I don't know how to play. At all. T_____T

I was like already hitting a few balls (ok I know this sounds really horny...=.=)
into that whatever hole they call it (STOP TFK'ing!!!! >_< For those who don't know...TFK means...erm...masturbating -.-|||), and then someone mentioned something about who was in whose team...

OMG THERE ACTUALLY ARE TEAMS?!?!?! O.o HAH I WAS ON JW'S TEAM ALL ALONG?!?!?! O.o O.o O.o!!!!!

WTF OMIGOD THERE'S EVEN DIFFERENTLY PATTERNED BALLS FOR DIFFERENT TEAMS?!?!?!?

...OMG.

=.=|||

And what was I hitting all these while??!!!! -_-"

Thank god for master JW, my sifu to teach me!!!! *bows* You're my saviour!!!! >_<


Without further ado...

ROUND 1!!! (err....it was the 2nd round actually but it's the first round for me :P)

START!!!!! XD XD XD

VS




FFIIIIGGGGGHH

HHHHTTTTT!!!!!!

NYAWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

:P

As for which team won...let me give you a clue.

That's me poking the only solid black ball into the hole!!!!(think straight...THINK STRAIGHT!!!! XD XD XD)

WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! We miraculously won!!! NYAWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! XD XD XD

...even with a kelefe like me around....-_-"

My symphaties to the losing team. Amen. :P You gals lost!!! XD XD XD




Anyway, I was staring at another direction...and saw....

THIS SEICAI!!!!! PIFFFF!!!!!!


Hmmm...feels like giving him two tight slaps on his baka face. >.<

So nyam pulak met him AGAIN....=.=||| I was like, saw his face till muak already on Saturday and Sunday....3 days in a row.....-_-"

miss misS MISSS!!!!!!! Hope you miss all your balls!!! Daisei!!!


I so feel like snatching that stick over and use it to poke his nose. -_-"


..ok...time out. Back to our own little games. >_<



Some yeng shots of our third game!!! Wahahahahahaha!!!



...which made us late for at least 20 minutes to our 'National Treasure' show at 2.50pm.

Fark. T___________T



It was FREAKING COLD in the cinema and when they said they wanna go shop around at the IT centre which is ALSO freaking cold...


...I muttered some curses and rushed to the washroom.....

....and used the hand blowdryer for as long as I remember!!!!!!

Real paiseh....T___T

Aah~ heaven~!!!! XD XD XD It was so damn nice to feel some hot air AT LAST after 3 hours of suffering in that stupid ice box of a cinema. Grrrrrrrrr.



Haiz. Time to go already. It was farking jam out there to take a taxi so we decided to walk. T_T


...with these two taking the lead right in front of us, lost in their own worlds. =.=|||


Err...ahem...'scuse me...but are you two walking the wrong way? -_-|||



Tried to take some nice photos with one of my best gal pals.

After much failing of trying to take them by ourselves...



....viola!!!!


Oh thank god after so many shots we at last got one right. T_T

tip tap tip tap...


...we all so yeng walk right in the middle of the road. It's a wonder we never get banged down. -_-"


Swish swush...swish....



BALIK!!!! END OF THE DAY!!! XD XD XD